Changes to "Empty Bed"

Empty Bed has now been renamed "Song of Regret"- many of the lyrics have been changed

Song of Regret

I’m lying here, I’m wide awake
Night has turned into morning
In shadows I reach out for you
Though I know that there is nothing
For me to feel

Your scent is still on my pillow
My room’s cold cause you get too hot
Suppose I could close my window
But I guess I’d rather not
Cause then it’s real

And all that’s left
Is an empty bed
And the sound of regret
Singing in my head
I am so sorry

I’m shivering in the darkness
Wish to God it would be light
It’s easier when it’s bright out
Only seem to miss you at night
Where are you now?

My body it still feels you
Close my eyes and you are there
The wind it sounds like the breath you take
Wrap my arms round empty air
Can you feel me somehow?

And all that’s left
Is an empty bed
And the sound of regret
Singing in my head
I, I am so sorry

I guess this is what they call heartbreak
Face the truth, you can't turn away
You will be my greatest mistake
I’d do it over just the same
You’re all I know
Of Love….

And all that’s left
Is an empty bed
And the sound of regret
Singing in my head
I, I am so sorry
I, I am so sorry
About all of this.

An idea I've been toying with for a while

So a bunch of these songs that I've been writing lately are actually ideas that I've been toying with for a while. So it's not necessarily something that I'm thinking about right at this second. It's just that, on any given day, I wind up having time to sit down and put an idea to paper.

This song is an example of that. I wrote the piano piece of it for a while ago, and I've been tossing the idea around for a while...Actually, come to think of it, the past 4 songs have been examples of that. "Get Lost" was actually written completely in my head weeks ago, and I just never put it on paper. "Empty Bed" was written years ago. I just found it in one of my old books and thought I'd throw it on here. "Hello Again" I first came up with last summer. Tried to write it, it wouldn't write itself. So I let it sit for a few months and then finished it.

I guess a lot comes down to having the time to do some serious writing and playing. Which I have had more than enough of lately....it's been nice- but I think I'm getting ready to get my life back. Suzie and I need some "time apart".

Good Enough

I’m lying here awake
Because you’re snoring
And I can’t sleep through the sound

I’ll have a headache
In the morning
But it’s not so bad, or so I’ve found

So I watch you
You’re fast asleep
And you aren’t what I had in mind

But now I’ve got you
And I don’t want to lose you
So I guess that this must be fine

And you’re nobody’s prince charming
And I sure ain’t no maiden fair
But I kinda like it in the morning
When I wake up and you’re still there
This may not be perfection
I think that’s understood
But at least until tomorrow
I can safely say it’s good
And that’s good enough

And I believed it
When you told me
That this would have to end

And I believed it
When I told you
I don’t think we can be friends

And I don’t know
And I can’t tell you
If we were wrong or we were right

But I do know
That I want you
So let’s not talk about it tonight

And you’re nobody’s prince charming
And I sure ain’t no maiden fair
But I kinda like it in the morning
When I wake up and you’re still there
This may not be perfection
I think that’s understood
But at least until tomorrow
I can safely say it’s good
And that’s good enough

I am REALLY not as angry as I sound...

So a few people have commented on the fact that a lot of my songs are angry. I certainly don't see them that way- I try to just call things as i see them.

However, this song in particular does come off as angry- I AM NO WHERE NEAR AS ANGRY OR BITTER AS I SEEM- it's just a style I wanted to work on... Also, it would be cool if people stopped assuming that they know who or what I am referring to in my lyrics: You probably don't. Hell, I'M not even sure what I'm writing about half the time. Sometimes an entire song will be written because I said or thought of one phrase that I thougth would be an interesting lyric- this song is a prime example of that- sometimes all they really are are attempts at coloring in the traced outline of a thought that crossed my head.

Get Lost. (March 9, 2006)

I’m sorry that I’m not a princess
I guess I just don’t suit the profile
I’m the shoe that just wouldn’t fit you
But damned if it wasn’t your style

And I’m sorry that I’m not a picture
Of what is perfect in your mind
And yet, you can’t seem to avoid me
And you can’t seem to leave me behind

So tell me who’s your cinderella?
What the hell are you waiting for?
I’m not going to change at midnight
You don’t like it, then head for the door
You can dream of her if you want to
You can love her in your head
But while it’s a dream you're holding on to
I’m the one lying in your bed
So get real.

And I’m sorry that I like to argue
I guess complacent is more your thing
And yet you always seem to want to
God forbid you should make yourself think

And I’m sorry that I am not fearful
Maybe you’d prefer to protect and to serve
But I think that you like that I’m powerful
That I demand no less than I deserve

So tell me who’s your cinderella?
What the hell are you waiting for?
I’m not going to change at midnight
You don’t like it, then head for the door
You can dream of her if you want to
You can love her in your head
But while it’s a dream you're holding on to
I’m the one lying in your bed
So get real.

And I’m sorry that you think I’m a passtime
I’m sorry you think you’ll move on
But at some point you’ll wish you were mine
And I’m sorry but I will be gone

And I’m sorry that I don’t need flowers
And that I fuck with your views of romance
But chick flicks are overrated
So why not give real a chance?

So tell me who’s your cinderella?
What the hell are you waiting for?
I’m not going to change at midnight
You don’t like it, then head for the door
You can dream of her if you want to
You can love her in your head
But while it’s a dream you're holding on to
I’m the one lying in your bed
So get real.

Or get lost.

Walking down memory lane

Tomorrow (Hello Again)

Hello again
Haven’t we been here before
Tell me how you’ve been
Pretend I want to know
But in truth you’re uninvited
And I wish you’d go away
So why am I still talking,
And why have I asked you to stay?

Let’s say hello just one more time
It beats the hell out of saying goodbye

Hello again
You’re looking good
But then again you always have
And so I guess that I should
Close my eyes so I can’t see you
Maybe then you’ll go away
Cause I know that I can’t have you
And still I have asked you to stay

Let’s say hello just one more time
It beats the hell out of saying goodbye

Hello again
It feels so right
If I asked you to
Would you spend the night?
No wait, I take that back
that’s not what I wanted to say
But it looks like the damage is done
Cause it looks like you’re going to stay

Let’s say hello just one more time
It beats the hell out of saying goodbye
And I guess we'll deal with goodbye tomorrow

Empty Bed

Empty Bed

I’m not sure why I’m still awake
Cause night time has turned into morning
I rolled over in my bed to hold you
Though I knew that there was nothing
For me to feel

Your scent is still on my pillow
My room is cold cause you get too hot
I suppose I could close my window
But I guess I’d rather not
Cause then it’s real

And all that’s left
Is an empty bed
And the sound of regret
Singing in my head
I’m so sorry

I’m shivering in the darkness
I wish it would be light
It’s easier when it’s bright out
I only seem to miss you at night
I miss your breath
My lullabye

I guess this is what they call heartbreak
I guess this is how it goes
They say time heals all wounds
But it’s time that made it so
I loved so long
And now it’s gone

And all that’s left
Is an empty bed
And the sound of regret
Singing in my head
I’m so sorry
I’m so sorry about all of this

A new direction...

DISCLAIMER: I seriously considered not putting this one online- but I decided to because I don't believe it's any more or less revealing than a love song, or a song about anger. that being said, it's a very very different direction for me as a composer and lyricist- so go easy on me please. Thank you.


Talk to Me (March 6th, 2006)

Touch me
Don’t try to be gentle
Feel me
Don’t get sentimental
Tease me
Be experimental
Want me
I want to be primal

I don’t want no lullabye
Don’t want no sweet goodnight
It’s time for us to come unclean
Don’t want to feel beautiful
Just want to be colorful
Teach me how to be obscene

Baby, Baby
I wanna be your filthy dream
Baby, Baby
Every nasty fantasy

Talk dirty to me

Play me
Make me instrumental
Praise me
Become transcendental
Use me
Make it detrimental
Love me
Just don’t be judgemental

I don’t want a song and dance
Don’t want no sweet romance
I want to be your sullied queen
I don’t want no fairy tale
I just wanna be unveiled
Want to be naked, want to be seen

Baby, Baby
I wanna be your filthy dream
Baby, Baby
Every nasty fantasy
Baby, Baby
I wanna be raw, I wanna be mean
Take me, Need Me
Pull me under, set me free

Talk dirty to me

Moments

A Series of Moments- March 4, 2006

Never been too great with goodbyes
I’m not sure what you want me to say
You’ll be my friend, but not my lover
Spare me your tired, old clichés
If it’s not too much to ask
Can I have my dignity back?

And I guess we both knew we’d be here
It was bound to end this way
After all the pushing turns to shoving
There’s nothing to do but walk away
Trying hard to hold your chin up
Pretending you’re unscathed

But there were moments
When we were beautiful
There were moments
When we were true
There were moments
When we were a miracle
There were moments
When I needed you
And even if you never wanted me
You felt good cause I wanted you
And even if that’s all I ever did
In the end, I was good for you too

And I guess if you really want to
You can just write me off and laugh
About the silly girl who fell too hard
The silly girl who fell to fast
And how naïve she was to believe
That somehow make believe can last

But there were moments
Of desperate longing
There were moments
Only the other could fill
There were moments
Where just belonging
Was in itself a thrill
And even if you missed them all
Those moments didn’t pass me by
And if all I have left are the moments
I guess they are worth the goodbye

Amazing

Amazing- February 17, 2006

I could spend a lifetime finding
The gray in your blue eyes
I could listen as you said nothing
For hours at a time

I could write a lullabye
To the beating of your heart
You perplex my senses
like an abstract work of art

And you are nothing
No, you are nothing (X2)

I could rage against you
Like the sea in a hurricane
I could press against you
Til our bodies are one and the same

I could sculpt your body
My fingers have traced the map
When I lost myself inside you
I let you guide me back

And you are nothing
No, you are nothing (X2)

I could love your glories
Pretend I was your queen
I could love your failures
To love is to love everything

I could cry before you
And give you all my flaws
I would tell your story
But I'm speechless, I'm in awe

And you are nothing
No, you are nothing (X2)
Nothing less than amazing

Amazing.



*This is easily the fastest song I have ever written, both musically and lyrically speaking. If it's rough, cut me some slack. It's not done yet*

Beatrice and Benedict

Beatrice and Benedict- February 8th, 2006

So many words are passed
And yet so little has been said
Caught up in the webs we’ve woven
To hide the truth that we both dread
Mask, ignore, erase
Pretend it isn’t real
Til we stand at a stalemate
Neither ready to reveal
What we can’t conceal
The finger’s prick on a spinning wheel
That led us down this path

“Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never”

Beatrice and Benedict
Would have sworn they never knew
All the banter, the disdain, the anger
Was need, was passion misconstrued
And all the eyes around them
Saw what they never could have seen
Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem
Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem

You toss your words around
Like little daggers to the heart
Of whatever hope existed
That must first be torn apart
Rancor, spite and venom
But something more still bleeds true
There’s never been anyone like you
That could make me feel
So completely real
When everything else around is an illusion
Can we still fall back on our sad delusions?

“Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love”

Beatrice and Benedict
Were king and queen in their denial
The push, pull, the love, the hate
The never ending trials
And only through the eyes around them
Could they see how they’d been blind
But real life doesn’t seem to work that way
And we are not but players in some Shakespearian play
No, we are not but players, and our world is not a stage

So cower now, and don’t dig deep
And we'll protect the secrets that we keep
And we won’t listen to a word that they say
Maybe it’s just better off that way
Beatrice and Benedict belong in plays
Beatrice and Benedict belong in plays
“Speak low if you speak love.”
“Speak low if you speak love.”

Circus Clown

Circus Clown- February 6, 2006

I am weak
I am broken
I am battered
I am bruised
I am hollow
I am lonely
I am wretched
And abused

I am angry
I am scared
I am guilty
Unprepared
I am blind
And I am deaf
I would scream
but there's none left

Strong
Tell me what it means
To be strong
When everything it seems
has gone so wrong
And every painful step along
This obstacle course
is wearing me down
Just another crying circus clown
I am not strong

I am jaded
I am raw
I've been conquered
By what I saw
I'm a cynic
I'm a knave
I've forsaken
I have craved

I'm a bully
I'm a child
I am raging
I am wild
I am clingy
I am strife
I am dying
I am life

Strong
Tell me what it means
To be strong
When everything it seems
has gone so wrong
And every painful step along
This obstacle course
is wearing me down
Just another crying circus clown
I am not strong

Turn Around

Turn around- January 7, 2005

You know, I could recognize your back anywhere
The slant of your shoulders, the tint of your hair
Your height, your width, the size of your waist
I think I know your back even better than your face

I guess it isn’t that bad, as far as views go
But I kinda like the front of you better, you know
There something about looking at someone in the eyes
Seeing what is deeper, seeing beyond the lies

But isn’t that why you turned away
It’s easier to walk than it is to stay
If you looked at me you’d know I’m the best that you’ve found
But to look at me you would have to first turn back around

You must have been scared as you walked to the door
I know I’ve seen you wearing that mask before
I must have done wrong, dug a little too deep
But if it’s corn that you sow, then it’s corn that you reap

Isn’t that really why you turned away
Frightened by all the things I might say
Cause you just might slip, and it would be unsound
But to slip you would have to first turn back around

And I’m wondering if it would have been that wrong
To stay a little later, for looks to linger too long
But there’s no point pretending you were willing to try
So if it’s easier for you, then let’s live with the lie

Cause I think that’s why you turned away
If I get any closer then you’ll want me to stay
So you can win this battle, you can have your victory crown
But I won’t sit here and wait for you to turn back around

No Re-Entry

No re-etnry- December 8, 2005

Do you remember how we were?
It somehow feels so long ago
And we could have done much better
But we were much too young to know

Like children playing dress up
In older people’s roles
Led by desire, we played our games
We played with fire, went down in flames

You always said
Some books are better left unread
I always said
Some tears are better left unshed
And I really didn’t expect this
I thought we had agreed
That once you’ve left the party
There’s no re-entry

And I, who’s always held my own
once again am held by you
And I who never once looked back
Am overwhelmed by deja-vue

Cause now you’re lying in my bed
My body caught in your embrace
I feel your breath blow through my hair
Your hand is soft upon my face

And I remember
I can’t help but remember

You always said
Some books are better left unread
I always said
Some some tears are better left unshed
And I really didn’t expect this
I thought we had agreed
That once you’ve left the party
There’s no re-entry

I wish I could say it was the first time
I wish I could say it was the last time
I wish I could say I regretted it at all
I wish I could say I knew better than to fall
Again…

And what am I supposed to say?
What would you like me to do?
I can’t spend my nights and days
Crying over you

And so you’ll leave my life again
And I won’t beg you to stay
But once you walk away this time
Just fucking stay away

And so I said
Some books are better left unread
You said- that's great
Let's talk about it in your bed
And I just don't understand it
I don't want to believe
There’s no point looking back again
There’s nothing left to grieve
But this time when you leave my heart
There’s no re-entry

Say yes

Say yes- November 2, 2005

You’re standing there in front of your crowd
The audience that you cart around
Just in case you feel like performing
And let’s be honest, you always feel like performing

Because life’s a stage when you’re too afraid to be yourself

So I watch you from the corner of my eye
Just an outsider, taking in the show
But our eyes met once- it was enough to know
I know more of you then they all do

You dropped your gaze, you dropped your act and you fell.

And now, I see through you
And the are holes inside your script
The actor’s just a hypocrite
And now that I know you
I am learning to despise
How you always need to hide

So when I ask you to come in closer
And I expect you to say no
You could change it all
If you just let it go
And said yes…

We’re dancing slowly on an empty stage
The objects of the whole room’s gaze
But somehow we hardly know that they’re there
When I’m in your arms, you’re everywhere

And everything I know- body and soul, I am full

But I feel you pull away, you’re afraid
That these castles that you’ve built could crash
I am not an army storming at your door
So I won’t demand and I know better than to ask

I’ll let you go- Deep down I know I can not win

And now that know I loved you
Or at the very least that I missed
The way it felt when we kissed
Now that I've once again lost you
Do you know how close we came
To being happy?

But had I asked you to come in closer
And not expected to hear 'no'
Could I have changed it all
If I had just let it go
And said please…

Would you have said yes?

A damn good cry

A damn good cry- Oct. 19th, 2005

You can take your games and you can shove them
While you’re at it you can swallow up my pride
Cause right now I’m shallow, sunk and sullen
But all I need is a damn good cry

A few more hours, and I won’t even remember
The blood will clot and my scars will heal
Hearts can be soothed with mind over matter
And somehow I will force myself not to feel

Just once- I swear to God
I will only cry over you once

Don’t ask me why I am so angry
Don’t try to tell me that you did nothing wrong
What you did was tell me that you knew me
What you did was made me feel like I belonged

So don’t tell me that you never knew
How every word you said broke my heart
I gave you everything I ever had to give
And all I asked in return was to take part

I guess I asked too much
And I cried as though my eyes bled…

Just once- I swear to God
I will only cry over you once

Impossible

Impossible- October 10, 2005

You're the fountain of life
And my mouth is dry
Eternally thirsting for what I can't drink
Your arms hold me tightly
Your heart lets me go
You spin me around until I can not think

You're impossible to break
Impossible to hate
Impossible to see
And impossible to leave

And it's killing me...

So push me away
I can not stay
And you know I won't go til you show me the door
It's impossible...

Like the moment you wake
From a nightmare and take
a second to see that it never was real
My vision is blurred
You don't hear a word
I'm begging you please free me from this ordeal

You are beautiful to want
Beautiful to taunt
Beauty that's worth dying for
So beautiful it haunts

And it's killing me...

So push me away
I can not stay
And you know I won't go til you show me the door
It's impossible

You're the drug that I crave
The smoke in my face
Turning away is impossible

You're the tear in my eye
The fear in my cries
I want you so much it's impossible

You're the day as it breaks
Each smile that I fake
Everything cold and untouchable

Though I know I can't stay
I can't walk away
Just once I need you to say
It's impossible...

Veneer

Veneer- September 12, 2005

I've slipped
Fallen to the ground
In a cold and broken
Heap

Your touch
just once was enough
This does not happen
To me

Veneer
What do you see?
Is it real?
Are you sure?
Veneer
Am I still here?
I'm not sure I know
Anymore

I'm sorry
I've faltered
You will not see it
Again

I'll stay
Hidden from sight
I will wait until I can
Stand

Veneer
What do you see?
Is it real?
Are you sure?
Veneer
Am I still here?
I'm not sure I know
Anymore

Don't worry
I'll recover
From this melancolic flight
And even if I'm wrong
I'll be damned if you ever know
that you were right

And then maybe you'll forget...
And then maybe we can move on...
Like it never really happened at all...

Veneer
What do you see?
Is it real?
Are you sure?
Veneer
Am I still here?
I'm not sure I know
Anymore

Without You

Without You

Let me touch your face tonight
I need to know if you’re really real
I know you’re known for putting up a fight
But tell me, can you feel the way I feel?

Do you know, you make my heart cease
And that I smile through my pain
Who I am is everything you don’t see
All that words can not explain

And I will never be content without you
And I can never be complete without you
But I will never show
And you will never know
And I will always be without you

Maybe we are victims of sunshine
Casting too much light upon our shadows
I can’t heal a pain that isn’t mine,
But I will drink with you to all our sorrows

And I will never be content without you
And I can never be complete without you
But I will never show
And you will never know
And I will always be without you


Don’t grieve for me before I’m done my time
I swear to God, I won’t be taken to out to task
Maybe I always knew you’d never be mine
I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it,
I had to ask.

And I will never be content without you
And I can never be complete without you
But I will never show
And you will never know
And I will still exist without you

First Post

So here is where I plan on keeping most of my most recent compositions online- Most have already been posted on my other blog. But this is a safer, quieter space. So, as I continue composing, I will continue to put the lyrics up. Why? Don't know.

Zita Dube